The Olympics are for Greeks not for Geeks
We all like to watch the Olympic games on TV. But for those of us who are geeks, we had better enjoy the vicarious exercise, because that's about as close as we'll ever get to competitive sports. There are several reasons for this, but most people only think of the average "geeks aren't physically fit" reason. That one isn't worth the toilet paper it should be written on.
If you really need evidence to back up that statement, I'll just point toward the nearest bowler. The average "Joe Bowler" likes to grow a pot belly until it sticks out far enough for him to set his light beer on it. Oh... of course there are some bowlers that are in shape, and being in bad shape isn't a plus. The point is that, as long as your bulging midsection doesn't flop in the way of your armswing, you can be a bowler. Bowling is a competitive sport... it even made an appearance in the Olympics... but I don't know any geeks who are competitive bowlers. Why is that?
It's even possible to dispute the fact that all geeks are in poor physical condition. I've met a few geeks that are in great shape. Of course I'm not one of them. If I rip a good fart it knocks the wind out of me... as well as anyone else in the room. I've even seen some truly good looking geeks. I can't prove it, but I swear I did. (Just for the record: those scantily clad women you tried to hit on at the LAN party may have been excellent physical specimens, but they were only pretending that they were geeks. Here's a free clue: They were hired to fool a bunch of testosterone-drunk teenage boys into associating the LAN party with sex).
The real reasons why you will never hear the geek national anthem (notice: thats geek, not Greek) at the Olympics are more subtle than physical fitness. Here is the list so far:
- Geeks are alergic to sunshine
This is why geek sports are always indoors. Besides, sunlight puts a terrible glare on the monitor. - Clever hacks are not welcome at the Olympics
Most geeks would rather hack into the scoreboard computer and give themselves a perfect 10.0 than actually earn the score. Sports people don't like it when we try to gain a competitive advantage by circumventing their "rules". - Spandex
Geeks wearing Spandex uniforms. *shudder* Ugh. 'nuff said on that subject. - Geeks are too busy
We all have books that we have to read and 'blogs that we have to write, IM's to send and email to receive, servers to infiltrate, IT Departments to decimate, and company secrets to exfiltrate.
Thats enough reasons, isn't it?
-- Shameless