Video Games You Will Never See

We've all seen lists of games on lots and lots of web sites. There are top 10 lists of best games, top 10 lists of worst games, 'Game of the Year', 'Game of the Decade' and 'Best Game of All Time' lists. Here at ShamelessGeeks, we decided to do things a little differently. We have a list of game ideas that will never be released.

There are lots of excuses for why game ideas fail to survive to release date. Some don't get past the censors. Others cannot be properly translated into code. Still others take so long to write that the programmers die of old age.

Despite these seemingly valid excuses for failure, there is usually only one real reason: The promoter has figured out that the game won't make money. If any of the other excuses were true, then half of the top ten games on everybody's list would never have gotten to release.

So without further babbling, here is the ShamelessGeeks list of video games that you will never see:

• Barbie Doom:
  No matter how much you would like to see this one, it has no market. Adolescent girls will be turned off by the flying body parts. Adolescent boys will be turned off by the jewel-encrusted pink rocket launcher. An interesting mod for this game would be Real Barbie Doom, where the characters are all naked and headless, with underwear painted on where their private parts should be. Any parent with girls over the age of 10 will understand the irony.
• Sim Altar Boy:
  Design your own Altar Boy. Most people will be bored by the concept of simulating someone who is wholesome and non-violent. The only market segment that will be interested is the clergy, but only after the release of an adults-only mod called "bless me father".
• Danielle Steele Collection:
  The complete lack of gratuitous violence makes this just the game that Jack Thompson and Hillary Clinton are looking for. The endless scenes of gratuitous adultery make it exactly what Bill Clinton is looking for.
• Organ Trader:
  Hook in to the black market for human organs. Use your trading skills to obtain human body parts with the ultimate goal of creating a Frankenstein-like monster. You might call this the ultimate body building game. A game like this requires a truly sick individual.
• World of Lemmings (MMORPG):
  Join a swarm of lemmings on their way to a cliff. Jump off. Pay your $12 monthly fee. Join another swarm of lemmings on their way to a cliff. Jump off. Pay your $12 monthly fee. Repeat. It doesn't get much more pointless than this.
• Flying Nun Shooting Gallery:
  Take aim and knock Sister Bertrille out of the sky. Avoid her protector Carlos, who will occasionally show up and blind you with his glaringly white teeth. This game tries to take advantage of the worst TV series ever produced by creating the worst game ever produced. It's what happens when stoned-out 60's tv executives meet over-caffeinated programmers. Comes with a real gun and live ammo. Would probably be popular among TV critics.
• Grand Theft Auto: DC (Featuring Marion Barry)
  Play as the ex-mayor of the capital city. Tear up the town in an effort to score ho and blow. It doesn't matter, you're 'mayor for life' anyway, aren't you?.
• Half-Wit 2: Re-election:
  Available in a blue 1996 version and a red 2004 version. Using various weapons like lawyers and journalists, spread your ill-conceived view of the world to as many voters as possible. Teach your opponent how dangerous it is to underestimate a half-wit.
• Tournament Boot Fishing:
  You can't get any lamer than a fishing game where you are supposed to catch the biggest piece of garbage in the lake. Despite the fact that nobody would ever buy this game, it would still be the most realistic fishing simulation ever made.
• Pole Position XXX:
  Well, the XXX is the rating, so you can guess what the pole is. There is no way that anyone would ever write a game with the word 'pole' in the title. It would never get past the censors.
• Nintendoggy Style:
  Similar to the virtual pet games on the market, the big twist here is that your goal is to produce as many puppies as possible. The graphic scenes in this one will turn most people off. Animal husbandry at it's worst.
• Duke Nukem Forever:
  This is the only game idea in this list that anyone has actually tried to make. Despite a record development cycle and numerous release dates announced, it has become clear that this is truly a game that nobody will ever see.



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