Shameless Words from Shameless Geeks

Duke Nukem Forever is back and to be released this Spring. Gee how many times have we heard this?
If Duke Nukem Forever does come out this spring I will fly back to DC and play it in one of Shameless infamous Lan parties.

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Happy Birthday Mom

The 13 Story

It’s that time again! Time to answer those search strings that bring you to the site. As always, these are search strings taken straight from the the website logs. Honestly… I couldn’t make some of these up if I tried.

geeky screen names

Try one of the standards: Nerd Herder, Dorkasaurus, or Gigageek. If not, look in any comic book, pick a character name, then append the word “geek” to the end. That should be attractive to the opposite sex. Avoid names that came from Hollywood. Neo, Trinity, and ZeroCool are a sure sign that you are a clueless geek. Here’s a final thought… just use that search string as a name. You’ve already proven that you deserve it.

class 3 felony patent inventor

Not sure who holds the patent on class 3 felonies. However, talk to any politician and he’ll invent you one.

cool

In a word, YES. I can see how that search string brought you here.

how do i unblur my sims 2 pc so they will be naked

Rub the blurry spots vigorously with a soft, dry cloth. This has the effect of exciting the sims so that they are willing to get naked.

hello and thank you for calling tech support sound byte

You are most welcome. Now please delete yourself.

it support idiot too dumb to own a computer

Unfortunately, this problem is all too frequent. If you encounter it, remain calm, hang up the phone, and hit yourself in the head with the manual you should have been reading.

nothing happe-

I’m sorry, but I think your browser cras-

computer is shamelesswhy (No, that’s not my typo)

Your computer is shameless because I have taken complete control of it and removed it’s shame library. Don’t be too surprised if it asks you for money to buy an iPad. Be advised that it will only use the poor apple product as a sex toy.

how do psp not catch on fire

PSP not catch fire because using halon instead of electron. More informations at www.engrish.com.

131313

Yes, that’s my IQ. Thanks for bringing it up.

alien abduction bedwetting and alien abduction stories wet bed

It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Hell, I’d be pissed if I were abducted by an alien. Fortunately, there is a solution. Studies have shown that alien abductions and their associated bedwetting incidents are directly proportional to your proximity to a trailer park. Keep yourself as far as possible from houses on wheels and both symptoms should subside.

burned out engineer

Replace with a new engineer. Be careful not to exceed the manufacturers specification for engineer wattage or you will void your warranty.

how hard phantom lapboard

At times, your lapboard will be extremely hard. At other times, not so much. Just remember that your lapboard has a special purpose that you will learn when you get married.

how to activate cool

Log off of the Internet.

computer smelled funny and went blank

This is a common occurrence when you bathe your computer. Computers are very phobic, and will often shut down for good when they come in contact with water. In the future, clean your computer by dusting it with a lint-free cloth.

enable high settings demo empire

Legally, The only thing I can tell you is that enabling high settings can only be done with a doctor’s prescription.

i’m poor is psp worth it

No, and I’m sorry to hear about you’re status. Did that happen because you tried to keep up with Apple’s new products?

politically incoherent

This is the disease that causes politicians. It is most prevalent in Lawyers, Generals, Actors, and other individuals who suffer from similar forms of insanity.

repulsive meal sims 2 pets mobile

I’m sorry to hear about your culinary nightmare. In the future, it would be best to remember that the Sims 2 pets are not to be eaten. They make a repulsive meal.

shameless what happens

…when you cross a whore with a computer? Never mind. This is a family show.

caller support you are too stupid

Unfortunately, some places consider stupidity to be job requirement. On the other hand, is it really smart of you to call them for help?

crazy home makeable smoking devices

There are quite a few crazy ways to make your home a smoking device. One is to cook your frozen pizza before taking it out of the box. Another solution is microwaving your silverware. A third is to bathe your computer. However, these are extremely dangerous, and you should not attempt them unless you have undergone extensive training.

empire earth pile of rocks

I believe you are talking about the before and after of global thermonuclear war. I don’t understand the question.

That’s all for now. I still see a few gems in there, but I’ll save them for later. Until then… Keep searching!

I’m getting a little sick of Russian criminals putting password reapers on my site. They are almost as bad as the diapered 15-year-old script kiddies out there. Usually, I just delete them, but I’m beginning to get annoyed.

To the guy below who put up the reaper… Piss off and hope to God I don’t use the url’s that you so brilliantly put in the post.

To everyone else… I castrated the script so that it is harmless. It originally had a field to enter your password with a submit button next to it. Of course you know where that password would go… you can see the url’s in the post.

I say we give the guy a hand. 10 or 20 million random usernames and passwords should keep him busy for a while.

For the record: posts protected with a password are not permitted on this site. If you see one, don’t enter your password. It won’t be long before I get around to dealing with the post.

UPDATE:

Yeah, well the scumbag did it again. Had to delete the post. What I said about the post below being the culprit isn’t true anymore… that’s a valid one from a friend.

Kinda makes you wonder how miserable someone has to be to try to make a living by being a shithead. I guess we should pity the low-life. Useless people don’t deserve anything else.

Texas must of changed me, I am about to ban my daughter from video games. Never thought I would have to do it. Even worse I my wife and I where complaining about how video games are evil. I blame everything on game cheats. Game cheats have turned my daughter into a hopeless video game zombie.
Game cheats are the devils work, we must fight to ban them. They are driving our youth down a path of evil. We must stop them. So let us join hands and pray for GameFaqs soul.

In the words of the great shameless geek (as he sits in a chair on the other side of the room) “this is as bad as a bad 80’s Schwarzenegger movie".

And trust me, it’s bad (and hilarious).

Over at Readwriteweb they post an article about the partnership forming between Facebook and AOL. Perhaps if they hadn’t used the keywords “Facebook” and “login", this mess never would have happened…

But they did, and sure enough, the very first commenter is asking to be allowed to log in to Facebook. And by comment five users are getting furious that Readwriteweb Facebook will not let them log in. I haven’t read through all the comments, but my personal favorite so far is #24: “What have they done now. It’s not simple enough for me to figure out.”

Simple enough, indeed.

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The Story of the 13’s:

The story begins many years ago with a mother whose birthday is July 13th and a father who tried desperately not to forget it. I try to keep it alive every year as a tribute to both of them and all that they put up with as I was growing up.

Years ago, I visited Dad in his one-man body shop. I noticed that he had taken a windshield crayon and written the number 13 all over the place. There were 13’s all over the windows and the walls. Basically, you couldn’t look in any direction without seeing the number 13. When I asked him what it was all about, he replied “There’s no way I’m going to forget your mother’s birthday this year".

Scroll forward a couple of years. Dad passed away, and I told a friend all about the story. When July 13th rolled around, I walked into an office that was covered in 13’s. He had written the number 13 all over my whiteboard. He had taken a pad full of sticky notes and put 13’s all over the desk, all over the wall, in the desk drawers, and even inside the case of my PC. I was still finding them months later.

The end of the story is that I try to keep Dad’s work alive by posting a bunch of 13’s on my web site for Mom’s birthday. It’s my geeky, wise-guy way of telling her that I haven’t forgotten. It’s also my way of telling her that, wherever Dad is, he hasn’t forgotten either.

This year, I’m a day early because I have a very busy day planned for the 13th. I didn’t want to let the day slip by without some kind of mention.

Happy Birthday Mom.

I remember not long ago when owning a Gigabyte Hard Drive was a big deal. Now I own a terabyte hard drive and plan to buy another in a few weeks because I have already filled my first terabyte hard drive. DVD’s however have been stuck around a few Gigabyte but soon even that will change, thanks to this break thru that is no more. All that we have left is for the Terra byte data sticks to appear and Petabyte will be the new Gigabyte.

Video blanking redaction is a subject that can often send an experienced engineer into a recursive state of paniced hysteresis, but it isn’t really all that magical. All you need to remember is that is is based on a few simple pseudo-scientific principles. The entire process can be broken into three statistically irrelevent stages that are easily stumbled through on an Ohm by Ohm basis.

The first stage is the virtual mastication of astable signal domains. This can be accomplished using one of two perpendicularly obtuse methods. The first is the use of a Forward Projected Glandular Analysis (FPGA) chip to perforate any magnetic bubble anomalies that can occur as a result of the repressed injection of Esoteric System Distinctions (ESDs). If you don’t have access to an FPGA chip, the same ESDs can be obstructed by using a high-end micro-reluctor with a cross-compiled refactoring front end and a virtualization restricting back end. Once this step is complete, the retrograde registers should be exponentially masticated and ready for the next stage

The second stage involves the cross-correlated flagellation of system RAM using a soft-decision Viterbi insertion array. This is a simple matter of recursively applying a Heisenberg null generator to the resident parameters of the local BIOS structure and feeding the resultant petrified bits into an oscillating Reed-Solomon clock suppressor. The open pseudo-source for this should be readily available online in the video redaction aisle of your local hobby shop.

The final stage, known as planar reciprocal defecation, is where quantum electro-mechanical process redundancies are applied to the resident co-axial database in preparation for excretion. The simplest way to do this is using a repulsive monastic CODEC feeding a Fourier jitter enhancement driver. If all has gone well, your redundant retraction filter should now contain a logarithmically extended no-op.

That’s about it. Video blanking redaction should now be complete, and you can forward it to your repartitioning GUI. I hope I have explained this in an obtuse enough manner to answer any irrelevant questions.

–Shameless

It looks like our long running gag of Duke Nukem Forever has come to a sad end. Sadly, there will be no Duke Nukem Forever. The company that was producing the game finally ran out of money, shutdown and canceled Duke Nukem Forever. I am sadden by this but at least I did not preorder it.

According to /., SCO’s life support is about to run out. I know that anything said against them now would sound a little like piling on, but I’d rather be accused of that than be accused of speaking ill of the dead. It looks like I only have a short time to speak up. If they go chapter 7 as the post suggests, that’s the business equivalent of an estate sale, and it means that the company is already dead.

I’m really glad that SCO got squashed. I genuinely feel sorry for the little people that got hurt in the process, but the company had to be an example of what happens when you try to rape open source. Can you imagine what would have happened if they got away with it? There’s no telling how it would have affected the whole IT business. Suddenly, everyone running an instance of Linux would owe money to SCO. What would have followed was a lawyers goldrush as every company who had ever been in the same room as a piece of Linux source code tried to make a similar claim. Just think… Hundreds of server farms, thousands of home routers, millions of critical embedded systems, all shut down due to greed.

The worst part about the whole thing was that the SCO who brought on the lawsuit had no real tie to the one that was around for the disputed project with IBM. They were several deep in mergers, acquisitions, and licenses. And even after you followed that seemingly endless chain of ownership, you wouldn’t find a company with a clear title, just one who “suspected” that someone may have used code that they both worked on at one time. They never even were able to point out which code… just a vague “some function that did this".

The annoying part here is that the sleazy lawyers and even sleazier entrepreneurs at the top of the company found a way to get rich anyway… mostly via funding traceable to Microsoft. Those are the guys I would like to see go “Chapter 7″.

Gaming has lost another great, David Arneson passed away a few days ago. David Arneson was the co-creator of D&D. I wish I could say something but the sadness over the loss of another gaming great has left me without words.

Well, it looks like the French said “no” to “three strikes”. Unfortunately, It looks like they will “pitch” it again later.

The interesting thing is that the vote was “poorly attended". Could it be that politicians were smart enough to stay away from an unpopular vote pushed by the entertainment industry? Vote in favor, lose the next election. Vote against, lose lots of campaign contributions AND the bully pulpit of the entertainment industry. It’s a no-win situation for them.

Again, we see the bloated and over-hyped numbers attributed to losses due to piracy. These are always based on the number of downloads observed, with a big multiplier for those that they think they missed. Most of the downloaders wouldn’t have purchased the pirated content anyway.

Your average person doesn’t mind paying a reasonable fee for entertainment. The amount people are willing to pay for a movie theater seat is proof of that. It’s just that, in an age of easy distribution, nobody wants to pay huge profits to a company whose only contribution is an outdated distribution network.

The New York Times today posted a good article about the new French system to stop piracy. This is the same system Steven Soderbergh proposed to congress and what the movie and record industry want in the USA. Hopefully this law will not pass in the USA, the privacy violations alone make me shudder.

I do not know why, but I really want to read Batman 116 from 1958. Lets see there is one of three ways, through finding it in a trade paperback (a collection of several comic books), by buying the issue on the secondary market or if I am really lucky at a store or convention. Oh poo, I am not lucky, the local store in town will not let me and there are no comic book conventions in Austin right now. Double whammy, there is no trade paperback that contains a copy of Batman 116. So on to the last option, to buy a copy from the secondary market. So off to Mile High Comics I go, ah there it is, no too bad it’s out of stock. Off to MyComicShop.com, ah too bad they are out too. Well there always EBay, hey look there it is in Spanish, no I do not want to read Brave and Bold 116, ah there it is two copies. Ah man this urge is going cost me a lot, one is 69.99 with 4 days left and the other copy is over Two hundred dollars. Logging into PayPal, darn it I am broke. Maybe I should not have bought the State Puff Marshmallow Man last week, man was he expensive. Did enjoy eating him and I even crossed streams.
Hold on what’s this you say there is a digital copy available? Hot dog, so how much? Free you say? Bonus, hold on here a moment, isn’t download comics off the Internet illegal. Why yes it is. As Nancy Regan told us say I am just going to have to say NO to your crack, excuse me digital comic book. But darn it, I really want to read Batman 116. So begins the trail down dark path that creates a Pirate.
Wait there is hope, to stop me from turn into one of those evil Pirate. DC Comics could create a way so I can legally buy digital copies of your books; all it takes is a little work. Marvel already lets me, why not you?

Ah Internet Piracy, the scourge that never goes away. Hollywood and music industry have been struggling with it for years. Yet no matter what they do it seems to never go away or even really decrease. When is the movie and music industry going learn the story of the sun and the wind? What is the story of the sun and wind, well it goes like this: One time the wind bet the sun he could get a guy walking down the road he could get him to take off his coat. So the wind blew and blew on the guy and all it did was to get to him button up tighter and tighter. Then the sun took his turn and he raised himself high in the air and with in seconds the coat was gone. The moral of the story is for the movie industry is stop attacking the pirates; they just get better at hiding from you. Instead create a system so we can access any movie at any time with out nasty DRM for an affordable price and no $15 a movie is not affordable. Guess what Hollywood, that system is already in place its called Netflix. To kill the vast majority of the movie pirate all Hollywood has do is make all the movies viewable not just the small list they currently have. Then again this Hollywood, they will continue to attack p2p like the wind. Hollywood when you wake up and become the sun make sure there is no DRM, Shameless hates DRM.

Wow… I think LeakeNova has a point there. There are several problems I see with the sudden shift in pricing:

1. Was there any advance warning to those who were signing contracts with TWC? I would hate to see people who signed up for unlimited bandwidth, paid for the in-home equipment, then got shafted by the new pricing structure. I also would see any attempt by TWC to fine people for breaking these contracts as a criminal offense. Bait and switch.

2. Does TWC intend to do anything for those who fall far short of their bandwidth cap? I doubt it. Rollover bits would be nice, but I doubt you will see those either. I’d love to be able to save up bandwidth for the November gaming season when all of the new Christmas games show up on Steam.

3. As usual, the punishment for going over your limit is SEVERE. Why does everything over the limit cost many times as much as everything under the limit? I could never get that. Does the over-the-limit bandwidth suddenly cost more for the company to transfer? NO. They are the same bits. It’s really either a punishment, or a way to force you into a more expensive plan. It’s almost like the provider considers themselves judge, jury and executioner. They will, however, tend to be lenient if you throw money at them.

Lucky for me, I’m not troubled by these problems… yet. I feel for you LeakeNova. I’d be annoyed too.

Lets hope, for all of our sake, that TWC does a face-to-floor dance because of this. i would hate this example to spread to my neighborhood.

BTW… I the rats and roaches agreed to start paying rent, as long as I guaranteed them unlimited network access. The basement is no longer available. Sorry.

Well after a very long disappearance I have returned to blogosphere. Why you ask? Simple to mock, okay complain, Time Warner Cable decision to charge for the amount we download. This decision is horrible for me. I watch streaming movies from Netflix daily, I download video games from Steam, and I use a ton of bandwidth when I work from home which I do pretty much everyday for at least 1-2 hours. Thanks to Time Warner Cables decision I will not be doing any of those things anymore, I can not afford the bill. To make matters worse, thanks to where I live the only high speed provider I have access to is Time Warner Cable. Austin is looking less grand everyday, shudder the thought I may be moving back to Virginia. Shameless is the basement still for rent?

It looks like Colbert has pulled off another public relations coup. He managed to get the most votes in a NASA naming contest. Of course, you have to read the fine print here. The top vote-getter won’t necessarily be the name used.

You have to give the guy credit. Whether his name is actually used or not, he managed to prove that a group of rocket scientists isn’t necessarily smart.

Of course… There is always the chance that NASA could turn this back in their favor. Wouldn’t it be nice if they put Colbert’s name on a big plaque over top of the “Colbert Bathroom"?

We’ve all heard about the new president’s inappropriate joke on the Leno show. Of course, my opinion about this kind of thing remains the same. Though the president was in the wrong and was right to apologize, the response was equally inappropriate. People need to grow a thicker skin about offhand comments. Overreacting to something that wasn’t meant to harm you makes you as guilty as the person you are reacting to.

I think that an absolutely perfect response came from Kolan McConiughey, a Special Olympics bowler. He’s challenged President Obama to a bowl-off. Of course, the president has very little chance of beating a man with five 300 games to his credit.

I can’t think of a more appropriate way to make someone eat their words publicly and without malice. I’d love to see it! The President would be suitably humiliated in public, and you can bet that he’d never make the same mistake. It can all be done without name-calling, and all would be forgiven when it was over.

So, what do you say, Jay? This would be a perfect event for you to televise. I know I would stay up late to watch it!